Who to blame

Who to blame once cheater is always a cheater giving them a chance is always a mistake noted for life..

Where ever I go my thoughts won't leave me alone...for people everything is so easy everything is so casual,it's just stuck in my head.. I'm a mess for trusting people...I won't ever open my heart in my life to anybody... people deserve hate that's it...now I know just hate...tears n emotions has no value...I won't ever trust again...I won't ever forgive the person I shed tears for...you will pay for it,you will pay for what you did to me..you won't ever be in peace...this will haunt you for lifetime that you ruined somebody's life.

Everything is a lie n I feel like a fool again why cant I get loyal people in my life...is it that hard... I'll die like this...I just wanna die its just out of my control.....why I always get hurt n nobody's bothered... cruel so cruel

Do i have a dream

She asked me what's my dream and I said I don't have any dream..she kept quiet and start to tell a story but I was not listening carefully so I could not understand properly only remember the end of it,she said don't say you don't have any dream it hurts my heart...that made me think do I need to have one I gave up on dreams long time back how can I suddenly find a dream for me...I always wanted a simple life watering plants, cooking taking care of people around me and complete my recipe book which is still incomplete,but I could not do any of it n just started to become a part of crowed like everyone else out there...dream what dream I should left with now..I lost chances to have dream now..slowly slowly I got to know how life is..earlier I used to think if I don't hurt anybody then I won't get hurt either n it will be peaceful for me to just spend my life with no problems..I never thought I will cry this much..today like older time I cried most of the time of the day n tried to hide most of the time...

Something

We actually know most of the things,results,reasons which will be given later but we hold it in just to see may be may be this time it will not be disappointing or devastating...but choosing colors over black seems a mistake.....my life is always being dark and coming out of it is always a mistake so that is the reason I don leave this darkness completely cuz that's how it is...I can't fight with it..I can't win now....starting today I give up on happiness and going back to old self...not seeing others ignoring existence of people n just moving ahead aimlessly...my heart is always made fool of me this time damage is worse then ever as I was hopeful... humiliating life again....I always said best is yet to come let's change the phrase worse is yet to come...

죽고 싶다

I couldn't do anything just saw everything got ruined..I can't share this to anyone,I thought I can stop crying but I cant...I start to remember every single word and it just breaking my heart more. I wish I could just die right here...I wish I could give life to smone who really want to live unlike me...

Start of useless day...I am walking it feels I am not alive anymore...I can't see faces feels everyone is mocking me n laughing at me...it become embarrassing to move out...

Now I wanna disappear enough chances given in this life...its embarrassing n disappointing to step outside the world....I need to find a way soon...

back n forth

Fallen on my face... illusion is over..was that just temperary....there was never any hope for me why try even....life will be like this only seeing others getting everything in life easily.n I just have to wait patiently that things will be different soon but it won't be.feels good seeing happy faces but feels envious too..why it is so hard in my case.. forecasting a life with nothing in hand. Fool of me that I thought I am so close to fulfill my wishes,overconfidence can kill you,fool of me to thought I will be having all of it, fool of me that I thought now it won't hurt anymore n people will realize it seeing me hurt and stop saying hurting things for once..I lost my sleep again,it become a habit again, wait to feel at ease to sleep which is not possible. Why I am a fool n make joke of myself. I will become a laughing stock,now I'll be told that how wrong I am n how stupid I am...why i need to cry all the time,why can't things be bit assuring in my case when will I stop getting hurt this much,why pushing me away when I can't survive like that, it's not visible that am hurt...it's not important that I got hurt too...my pain is less compare to other..can pain be measured..can care be measured..these are things to be felt I thought but may be it's not...

Paused

Senses are numb your hearing power is loosing day by day..you can't see anything clearly it's an unclear site..can't speak as you don't know any words..you are thinking thinking hard recalling it but not able to recall anything,your memory started to fade away n it's all seems like a blur picture..suddenly you want to go somewhere but you don't know actually,you took a step it's so dark you can't see anything,moving your hands in the air and trying to hold something so that you can walk but it's so hard barely moving..it's all so silent weird silent it's so scary,now you are trying to yell so that anybody come for help but your are not able to yell so helpless,unknown and full of fear...waiting now then you hear something n moving towards the voice  that voice is not clear but it's getting louder as you are walking, there is a light you want to enquire what it is,you begin to run your heartbeat is increasing n by that time you reach towards the light it's again dark so dark...you feel the chills now...

Reflection

Suddenly you are distant..I want to know how does it feel if someone is crying in front of you n you just choose to avoid cause you are angry..when someone is angry they don't  know what they are saying later may be they realize.at the end I think its all my mistake I should just stop right there n resolve everything it does not matter how I feel at the moment,it's important to get rid of bitterness first may be that gives mey peace of mind too...I think way too much n thats my problem...I hope not to get hurt this much that I become silent.

Why do I have a feeling that something is not right n something is off.is there anything I am lacking still.

Is it too much to ask for, that you want to be happy just once in life,we can't even deserve that.i think everyone wants that at least to have one person by your side whom you can rely. Kept on asking but never got the answer you are looking for.keeping words is difficult I think..this is life unpredictable.

Suddenly you lost your position suddenly your irritating n suddenly you no longer have the same space...we become I n us become me....may be you are that kind of person whom people get sick off...

Perfect is an illusion there is nothing perfect.
Incomplete is a new complete n imperfection is new perfection...

Shed tears until ur heart is out n then your painless n strong n ruthless later see what you gonna become...

Anxious

I become restless for the things I want and for the things I can't get but still I hope n keep on hoping.i don't believe in people's word still no matter how much I try,back in my mind I keep guessing the lies.i don't really do that on purpose but I never hear the kind of words I want people should say to believe in them..small things made me think n I keep thinking hard about it..why can't I believe n why I am scared always it's like I know something and I don't wanna believe. i know I am gonna fall but I am not doing anything about it...why I feel something really bad gonna happen that I can't handle this time...over the time I become a weaker person. I am full of questions and I don't seem to get any answer of it. Everything is delusional. I get hurt may be that's why I am scared. I lie down being clueless lifeless.. disbelief does that to people may be that is what has happened to me...I have been given everything and Soon it will be taken to make me realize i have no existence left in this world..I became too obvious. The door I am standing at weather it will make me full of life or lifeless....why I am hurt tday for what reason I am not at ease..