back n forth

Fallen on my face... illusion is over..was that just temperary....there was never any hope for me why try even....life will be like this only seeing others getting everything in life easily.n I just have to wait patiently that things will be different soon but it won't be.feels good seeing happy faces but feels envious too..why it is so hard in my case.. forecasting a life with nothing in hand. Fool of me that I thought I am so close to fulfill my wishes,overconfidence can kill you,fool of me to thought I will be having all of it, fool of me that I thought now it won't hurt anymore n people will realize it seeing me hurt and stop saying hurting things for once..I lost my sleep again,it become a habit again, wait to feel at ease to sleep which is not possible. Why I am a fool n make joke of myself. I will become a laughing stock,now I'll be told that how wrong I am n how stupid I am...why i need to cry all the time,why can't things be bit assuring in my case when will I stop getting hurt this much,why pushing me away when I can't survive like that, it's not visible that am hurt...it's not important that I got hurt too...my pain is less compare to other..can pain be measured..can care be measured..these are things to be felt I thought but may be it's not...