back n forth

Fallen on my face... illusion is over..was that just temperary....there was never any hope for me why try even....life will be like this only seeing others getting everything in life easily.n I just have to wait patiently that things will be different soon but it won't be.feels good seeing happy faces but feels envious too..why it is so hard in my case.. forecasting a life with nothing in hand. Fool of me that I thought I am so close to fulfill my wishes,overconfidence can kill you,fool of me to thought I will be having all of it, fool of me that I thought now it won't hurt anymore n people will realize it seeing me hurt and stop saying hurting things for once..I lost my sleep again,it become a habit again, wait to feel at ease to sleep which is not possible. Why I am a fool n make joke of myself. I will become a laughing stock,now I'll be told that how wrong I am n how stupid I am...why i need to cry all the time,why can't things be bit assuring in my case when will I stop getting hurt this much,why pushing me away when I can't survive like that, it's not visible that am hurt...it's not important that I got hurt too...my pain is less compare to other..can pain be measured..can care be measured..these are things to be felt I thought but may be it's not...

Paused

Senses are numb your hearing power is loosing day by day..you can't see anything clearly it's an unclear site..can't speak as you don't know any words..you are thinking thinking hard recalling it but not able to recall anything,your memory started to fade away n it's all seems like a blur picture..suddenly you want to go somewhere but you don't know actually,you took a step it's so dark you can't see anything,moving your hands in the air and trying to hold something so that you can walk but it's so hard barely moving..it's all so silent weird silent it's so scary,now you are trying to yell so that anybody come for help but your are not able to yell so helpless,unknown and full of fear...waiting now then you hear something n moving towards the voice  that voice is not clear but it's getting louder as you are walking, there is a light you want to enquire what it is,you begin to run your heartbeat is increasing n by that time you reach towards the light it's again dark so dark...you feel the chills now...

Reflection

Suddenly you are distant..I want to know how does it feel if someone is crying in front of you n you just choose to avoid cause you are angry..when someone is angry they don't  know what they are saying later may be they realize.at the end I think its all my mistake I should just stop right there n resolve everything it does not matter how I feel at the moment,it's important to get rid of bitterness first may be that gives mey peace of mind too...I think way too much n thats my problem...I hope not to get hurt this much that I become silent.

Why do I have a feeling that something is not right n something is off.is there anything I am lacking still.

Is it too much to ask for, that you want to be happy just once in life,we can't even deserve that.i think everyone wants that at least to have one person by your side whom you can rely. Kept on asking but never got the answer you are looking for.keeping words is difficult I think..this is life unpredictable.

Suddenly you lost your position suddenly your irritating n suddenly you no longer have the same space...we become I n us become me....may be you are that kind of person whom people get sick off...

Perfect is an illusion there is nothing perfect.
Incomplete is a new complete n imperfection is new perfection...

Shed tears until ur heart is out n then your painless n strong n ruthless later see what you gonna become...

Anxious

I become restless for the things I want and for the things I can't get but still I hope n keep on hoping.i don't believe in people's word still no matter how much I try,back in my mind I keep guessing the lies.i don't really do that on purpose but I never hear the kind of words I want people should say to believe in them..small things made me think n I keep thinking hard about it..why can't I believe n why I am scared always it's like I know something and I don't wanna believe. i know I am gonna fall but I am not doing anything about it...why I feel something really bad gonna happen that I can't handle this time...over the time I become a weaker person. I am full of questions and I don't seem to get any answer of it. Everything is delusional. I get hurt may be that's why I am scared. I lie down being clueless lifeless.. disbelief does that to people may be that is what has happened to me...I have been given everything and Soon it will be taken to make me realize i have no existence left in this world..I became too obvious. The door I am standing at weather it will make me full of life or lifeless....why I am hurt tday for what reason I am not at ease..