Things i like

Things I like: The smell after rain,baggy sweaters,books you can't put down,making people smile,feeling loved,saying hello to strangers,songs that relate to me,the smell of fresh bread,sleepovers ,hot tea,thunderstorms,saying thing which don't hv any meaning...crazyyy no....

Change i decided for myself

Its been a while that I Have written something here as technology changed in past few years I can now post through my phone sounds like I am talking like being in a time where I was not aware of technology hehe but honestly it's a lot better to be this way too...So let's talk about the huge change in my life...journey of being in love, betrayal,sadness, disbelief.a journey of not relying on people and leaving everythin behind n just dumping life...so sound like a person in depression yes I always sound like a depressed person so far but not anymore there was a time when I was too comfortable in being in pain in denial..life is hell lot better when you learn to accept yourself the way you are.its ok to be sad it's ok to be broken n it's ok to think you are not mentally stable..I used to think I am special I talk to myself I talk to god though he don't reply but it's all different to me n it does make me feel like an alian too..after all those brainstorming moments n motivational stuff bla bla bla n what not....I accepted myself n I want to make myself happy as it's high time for me I have to embrace myself, if I don't embrace myself nobdy will do that for me in future or in present. DECEMBER 2016 to FEBRUARY 2017 it took me 3 months literally to accept I am good enough for this world n for myself just that I was living in different dimension the whole time so let's just chuck it now...left behind everything dark..I now smile laugh n it feels so gud seriously I don't need makeup to look good I just smile brightly to myself n to the world.we can always decide where to stop n start a new life a happy life.

Twinkle in my eyes

The time when I look back and still tryin to walk she....I am strong I am trying to embrace myself n I am walking kissing my life ..yes I am accepting things the way they are...I am smiling too..i am not looking back...I am a better person by now...grown my hair too...my eyes don't speak much..I don want piggyback rides either...i never hold anybody's hand I am grown well...looking things goin farther away still I don ask question...being like that is making me wise and stronger ..goodbyes are always painful but I Neva stop any beginning...wind is always raising...

What is what

Whatever is going on has something in it,i don't know what it is but it is full of mystery.i kind of puzzled but dealing with it somehow.i don't know whats wrong with me n what is my problem but their must be something.i have to figure out.why i can't be happy, why it is so difficult for me to just let thing go naturally.why i keep everything inside me.why i can't trust completely,may be i am psycho or can become one soon..i am not at ease why is that? i am loosing my control over my anger n i start to burst out badly.this is not right i guess,i don't have any problem but if i look back i have so many n i cant deal with it though,i just have to live with it..

 

When you are in love it's natural to be greedy. But is it really ok..you give so much of love and ask for the same, is that alot to ask for. There is no such man in the world who understands women's heart.why can't a man be confident enough to not let go of the person they claim to love.why can't they just be the nice person.

Everything is like this tree

                                                                                    

This tree is so similar with our life,we just stand at one place and experience life.people come people go but we are same n standing at our own place nothing changes nor us nor life..people feel us like us  cherish moments with us but still we are standing and nothing changes..our beauty attracts others and they come to us share with us but when it fades no one ever bother to even look us..but you know nothing changes..we accept and reject the reality but it is always present within us and we have to figure out what is essential and what is not..we have to decide that change is possible or not..understand the fact that you have to be yourself..close your eyes n think,find out your own feeling,your happiness..

and when u found out what it is then u know where to go.

Expectations n Reality

Expectations are nothing but our own myths..myths for future,myths for a beautiful life n i am over with it...I never felt this way..i am completely a different person now i start hiding myself from everyone..i am struggling with words to speak...from my heart n soul i want to end this miserable life..every new day is a punishment for me..that i am still alive..i wish 1 day i sleep at night n  then will never got up again...aah that will be good for me n for everyone...i am tired really very tired..my mental condition is getting worse day by day seems i am loosing control over myself day by day...blames go beyond the limit n am not able to deal with it anymore..i put a pillow on ma face n i cry as loud as i can but still everything is same..nothing gonna change n nothing gonna be okay.i always thought may be everything will be okay n it will take time but now i believe totally that its a lame dream...i am always this lame i just think of something good but that never ever turn into reality.

I will soon end this race cause i am already a looser...how long i will survive? today or tomorrow i am gonna get tired..their is no way out...am i able to deal with this ever...i don't know..i wish i could scream loudly or cry loudly n nobody can hear me....i don't know what i am searching...life is good sometimes and sometimes its like hell..but what to do have to deal with it...so now i started a new thing..i started to bunk...yaah right bunk...i bunk sad moment, i bunk bad thoughts and yes crying sessions too..see the point is when you cry nobody gives u support n wen you laugh then too same situation...so why spend time in crying..so i am just chilling...chilling in my own thoughts..n spend time with myself as the time we are living now wont come back ever again..so better live it feel it..

Kuch bhi likh dia

This post is kinda gibberish but dat is wat i used to think most of the time...

kash hame sochna na padta kaha jana hai aur kya karna hai bus zindagi ko kahi bhi mod dete jaha bhi dil kare..koi hame judge nhi karta...hum bass apni duniya me rahte..no1 eva point us or tell wat is right or wrong..we learn our own lessons and would have differentiate between right n wrong by our own..but u knw na hi ye hamare khabo ki duniya hai aur na hi hum prince ya princess..kyu hamesha ek darr sa lagta hai ki kya hoga aage..ki agar hum careless ya sapno ki duniya me rahe to hum kuch nhi kar payenge...kyu apne raste khud nahi dhoond sakte...subah uthte aur bass chal dete jaha bhi rasta le jaye aur har cheez ko analyze karte...aur in sab baton k beech me aati hai the so called reality...we are nothing..we still need to figure out..what life is like and what we need to experience bla bla bla...n after thinking this much i took a deep breath...what am i thinking..i thought...may be i am a nut case now...but who cares...thoughts n feeling are free and we don't have any control on them... so its better to just let go..har din start hota hai ek nai energy ke sath or mai sochti hu shayad aaj kuch naya karu..kuch aisa jo mujhe sukoon de aur khushi de.. but but i end up with nothing and then feel disappointed about the whole thing...fir bada josh chadta hai nhi today will make a difference to my life and started to register myself for respective consultancies.....aur koi jawab nhi aata....aur fir kya sad sa face leke mirror me dekhti hu khud ko aur kahti hu...wat do you want focus n decide..n fir wahi same thing...began to think...may be ye meri kahani nhi sab hi aisa sochte ho n i thought um d only specie who does all that stupidity....may be  sumday i got to knw wat will i do in life...may be not..